We have put together a list of plumbing jokes for your amusement. We enjoy them and we believe it’s good to laugh at ourself. If you have a plumbing joke, please feel free to tell a plumber!

Blessed are we who can laugh at ourselves, for we shall never cease to be amused.

 


 

The Plumbers vs The Lawyers

There just happened to be a lawyer convention and a plumber convention in Oregon at the same time. There was a party of three plumbers and three lawyers leaving California and taking the train to the conventions. As they were standing in line for tickets, the lawyers noticed that the plumbers only bought one ticket. The lawyers bought their three tickets and boarded the train but watched the plumbers to see how they were going to get by with only one ticket.

After boarding, the three plumbers squeezed into a restroom. Finally the porter came by and knocked on the door as he said, “Ticket please”. The door cracked open and an arm reached out and gave the porter the ticket.

After the conventions, the lawyers decided to do the same thing so they only purchased one ticket. However they noticed the plumbers didn’t purchase any tickets at all. They weren’t too concerned though because -hey- they were saving some bucks right? Well, they all boarded the train and the lawyers packed into a tiny restroom. After a few minutes, one of the plumbers came by and knocked on the door saying, “Ticket please.”

 


The Parrot and Plumber

 

A plumber is called to the house of a cute little old lady. He spies a doberman sitting in the kitchen drooling and growling under his breath, and a parrot whistling contentedly next to him on his perch.

Half-way through the job, the little old lady tells him she’s going to the grocery store. His back to the doberman, he begins to sweat. Then he asks the little old lady if he’ll be safe while she’s away.

The old lady smiles sweetly and says: “Oh yes! Poopsie is so sweet. He wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’s a good doggie.”

Then the old lady adds: “Oh. but whatever you do, don’t say anything to the parrot!”

Relieved, the plumber resumes his work. After the little old lady leaves, the parrot starts making a horrible racket. He makes insults, and calls the plumber names.

The plumber cannot even concentrate on his work. Losing his temper completely, the plumber glares at the bird and screams: “Shut up, you feathered fruitcake!”, and goes back to the sink. The bird is stunned silent.

A few seconds later, the parrot squawks: “Sick him, Poopsie!”

 


 

A plumber was called to a doctor’s home to do some work. After working for about an hour, the plumber gave the M.D. a bill for $200. The doctor said, “Good Gracious Man! I have been to medical school and residency and have been practicing medicine for over 20 years and I can’t charge that kind of money!” The plumber smiled and said, “Yeah, I couldn’t either when I was in practice.”

 


 

I once worked with a plumber in New York City that said, “Every time you flush your toilet you’re putting food in my family’s mouth.”

 


Did you hear that someone broke into the local police station and stole the toilet?
  Right now the cops have nothing to go on…

 


 

Plumbing is the only profession where you’ll hear your boss say, “Be sure your ‘joints’ have lots of ‘Dope’ in them!”

 


 

Q: What kind of dreams does a plumber have?
A: Pipe dreams!

 


How are poker players and plumbers alike? They both know a flush beats a full house!

 


 

Q: What is the one thing you’ll never see a plumber do?
A: Bite his nails.

 


 

A proud father was showing a fellow worker a picture of his five grown sons. His friend asked what they did for a living. The father said the older two are doctors and the youngest two are lawyers. The friend asked about the middle son and the father said, “Oh, he’s a plumber. Someone had to pay for all the others’ educations.”

 


 

“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”
— Rodney Dangerfield